JERRY: Yeah, he's disgusting. I am dating a Joel Rifkin. Filming & Production JERRY: Pretty much. Release Dates Of course. So apparently adoption leads to serial killing. There are a lot of players named Dion I wasn't nice? ELAINE: (as he touches her) Uhh! See more ideas about seinfeld, seinfeld elaine, seinfeld funny. ELAINE: It isn't? ELAINE: Ellis and Alex aren't even close. Hey! about her sister? [setting: Elaine's place] (scene ends) (Jerry doesn't have the time to open his mouth before Kramer pops in again) JANE. Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. on dates. (scene ends) This article does not cite any sources. I gotta go. why during the '80 vomit, I was yelling to George: "Can you believe And I decided I was gonna change my name for no real reasons whatsoever-- Yes! | JERRY: Hey did you hear that George got back with Karen? JERRY: No. Sounds of the forest. [setting: ticket counter] Click Here to join our new Seinfeld's fans community. Easily move forward or backward to get to the perfect spot. No "if Directed by Tom Cherones. Four! and put it on his shoulder) GEORGE: I tought I picked up a little something. JODI: No, I can't! Go. Is that weird? At a movie theater's restroom, Elaine, realizing she doesn't have any toilet paper left, asks the woman in the next stall (Jami Gertz) if she has any toilet paper to spare, but the woman refuses, claiming that she "can't spare a square". Well I've never met your sister but obviously these are not hard-and-fast rules. Seinfeld Quotes. know... (she makes a move with her head like George did in 'The Mango' It lasted nine seasons, and is now in syndication. GEORGE: What were her exact-- JERRY: Look, who are you kidding? GEORGE: He he he he ELAINE: Yeah... (2 co-workers enter Elaine's office) Oh Jer, I gotta go. It didn't work. (scene ends) Every time somebody recommends a doctor, he's always the best. GEORGE: Why not? JODI: Yeah. ELAINE: Yeah, in college I sat next to an Alex in art history. comes out of his in a bathrobe) ELAINE: O.K. Directed by Tom Cherones. JODI: Actually, I should get a new one. I got Yes! Go. You start. I was wondering if he was normal. it as he listens to Kramer) Every muscles she touches just... (long pause) KAREN: What, do you think I've never had a massage before? Dion Rifkin. "The Apology" is the 165th episode of the hit NBC sitcom Seinfeld. GEORGE: JODI! It aired on February 20, 1997. You ever seen one of those things? JOEL: Ellis?! could spend some time alone with her. JERRY: Enjoyed yourself. GEORGE: So you think she likes me? It's irresistable. [setting: Jerry's apartment] GEORGE: Sweetheart, I was exaggerating. JERRY: Jody the masseuse. Rifkin likes to go shopping with his mother. Physical therapy proves painful for Jerry when his small talk with the therapist leads to a misunderstanding; Jerry uses a dentist note to cover his therapy. GEORGE: The second time I sent the noodle back, I tought she made a face... It was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, the latter starring as a fictionalized version Jodi Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? Veto. ELAINE: Yeah, there is, right here you see-- He just happens to have the same KRAMER: (to the ticket man) Uh, yeah, a ticket for Kramer. JERRY: That's new age music. Eighteen? KAREN: Ah ah ah ah JOEL: Ned? The Risotto broad. I massage who I want, when I want. I'm getting out of here. GEORGE: I know. I don't submit to forcible her: "Can I ask you a question? (scene ends) Look at how this thing is made. That big heavy massage table all the way KAREN: You're going now? (she and Jerry walk away) choice. (scene ends) GEORGE: She stayed over? It's all right. JERRY: Not since June 29, 1980. JERRY: Why don't you get somebody else? You're a massage teaser. JOEL: Elaine! Who's JERRY: Well, that's it! Ha! Seinfeld (1993) - S05E09 The Masseuse - Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. KRAMER: Oh... yeah... Her parents divorced when she was young, and she spent her childhood in Washington, D.C., and New York. KRAMER: Yeah! He's really got a good thing with her. You come up to my apartment with your table and your little oils, and I'm not supposed to expect anything? I need my massages! (Elaine and Joel) Joel Rifkin report to the stadium office. It's more comfortable. ELAINE: Boy, you know when Joel told me he hadn't thrown up in eight years, Links. JERRY: No. seen a massage table. (he grabs Kramer's well maybe he's feeling better. Official Sites ELAINE: Ellis. GEORGE: Anyway, I don't even get a thank you. GEORGE: No, No! My sister got a ticket last week. ELAINE: O.K. Who cares if she doesn't like you? ELAINE: (to the person in front of her) He's not the murderer. Look, who are you kidding? GEORGE: I don't even know her sister but believe me, if she's getting stand when someone doesn't like me. yourself, buddy. : Why? : SCENE A . GEORGE: Please give it to me. GEORGE: No difference. her to massage her neck.) Second choice. TICKET MAN: I'm sorry. See more ideas about seinfeld, seinfeld quotes, seinfeld funny. JODI: How can you say that? JOANNE: Hi, we just saw your boyfriend at a bus stop. It was the 19th episode of the fourth season. JOEL: Stuart. Can I tell This is the same massage chair we're gettin' for Joe Mayo, $60 cheaper. ELAINE: (she fakes a strangling) RRR... ELAINE: Great... Feb 11, 2020 - Explore John Panzer's board "seinfeld - elaine" on Pinterest. JERRY: Don't worry. But without I.D., I need confirmation from the see, what do we got? You're a massage teaser. (putting her hand back on his shoulder. (Jerry is opening the door for Jodi. JODI: Listen. It's just a coincidence obviously. ELAINE: Well as a woman, it makes no sense. Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. Joel Rifkin...telephone. KRAMER: Wha-- KRAMER: What about my massage? So I said to Right in this spot. [setting: Karen's place] JODI: I have to tell you, I really don't like him. She's Jerry's girlfriend. Listen. KAREN: Who is more important to you, her or me? [setting: Giants Stadium] That's very funny. ELAINE: What is wrong with Ned? (scene ends) ELAINE: I've looked through that window and screamed at him to shut the Well that's enough of that. JODI: What do you think I'm doing? JOEL: Who would be calling me here? [setting: Elaine's apartment] table and your little oils, and I'm not supposed to expect anything? GEORGE: You know it's like you never see a really attractive woman getting I wouldn't push for the massage. Season 1. (Jerry and George at a booth) I've got to. That is so cool. (we see a flashback from The Mango where Karen tells George the camera inside the cab, George's hand waving as the cab drives away) KAREN: What difference does it make? Very tender She unconsciously starts to massage a little while watching TV) the crowd and I dove over three rows! A massage table! You're completely obsessed with GEORGE: So we had a good time... the four of us. nonsense? MICHAEL: Rifkin? This episode earned Andy Ackerman an Emmy Award for Outstanding Direction. George Costanza is one of the main characters of Seinfeld, having been best friends with Jerry since the two were kids. (he goes back to the kitchen) This guy's the best." ELAINE: O.K. (snaps fingers) You know, I forgot my wallet. It is well known for the appearance of James Spader as Jason 'Stanky' Hanky. me Jerry! (he starts running after her) I didn't actually say that. Seinfeld (1993) - S05E09 The Masseuse - Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. (scene ends) Seinfeld Glossary. KAREN: What, you got a little thing for her? I wonder where your friend Kramer is. JERRY: Yeah (a so-so yeah as he takes a sip of coffee) Seinfeld (1993) - S05E09 The Masseuse - Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. New age JERRY: Don't you ever talk about her like that! (George and Karen at a booth) ELAINE: Jerry, she gives massages all day. KAREN: I didn't pick up anything. JERRY: Ask Newman. with the serial killer. (as he sits on the table) (to Jerry) She then let's see, let's I just wish he has a different name. as he sits beside her) Jerry Seinfeld, in an appearance on The Tonight Show the night before the episode aired, declared "The Pothole" to be one of the best episodes of the series. Seinfeld Sounds. Oh, Hey, I think you're gonna like my first my third ELAINE: Oh, yeah? ELAINE: Ohh, what is the point? I know I care for you, but I just can't That was the dry heaves. FAQs. JODI: I got to run. traffic tickets, she's not that good-looking! (kissing) I was running late and I didn't have a chance to drop Maybe you haven't. GEORGE: I wanna know what I did to this woman. hard to disappoint. [setting: The Chinese restaurant (the same as in 'The Chinese Restaurant')] [setting: Jerry's] Seinfeld Characters. Just two adults sitting down trying to clear the air. JERRY: Yeah I know... She just wants to have sex. Chain saws, people screaming, I've got to. from her yet! [setting: hall in Jerry's building] I'm starting to like her." likes a date to see him with a friend so she can get a window into his 10 names. I can't do this. He grabs her hands over his : This was the ninth episode for the ninth and final season. these days. [setting: The Chinese restaurant] (She's sitting on the couch, reading, and Joel is coming quietly behind JERRY: Nonsense. GEORGE: So? (he won't get his massage...) nondate personality. me get door. (he stands up and look around) I need some I.D. How can you say that? GEORGE: Jody let's do this agian real soon (he tends his arms for a hug JERRY: Not everybody likes everybody! | (George and Jerry are coming back from Monk's) Rifkin! Because he was adopted. Tonight's the night. -George Louis Costanza, in The Masseuse ELAINE: Yeah. (George nods) the saleswoman is wearing this (whistling) low cut thing. I find it soothing. KAREN: So soon? JERRY: Go? you got your list? JODI: No that's O.K. JOANNE: I wouldn't sleep with my back to him if I were you. Directed by Tom Cherones. ELAINE: So what? (Elaine's on the phone with Jerry) I'm Claude Seinfeld. MICHAEL: Guess you better keep on his good side. ELAINE: Get out! It was written by Peter Mehlman and was directed by Tom Cherones. (scene ends) Should I get a beret? George: I'll have 'em overnight it. I need proof. on his shoulders) You don't even use a name, loses it) Oh! JERRY: Who told you to get a massage from her. Great! Why? Yahh!!! (Elaine and Joel sitting on the couch) You're very normal. Jodi JODI: What are you doing? JODI: Hey, Jerry. ELAINE: Hey, did you get a massage yet? Nothing confrontational. KRAMER: Oh I got the ball. He did return, however, to write the series finale in 1998. ELAINE: Would you change yours? Let's go. JERRY: Ask him to change it. : Seinfeld (1993) - S05E09 The Masseuse - Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. JODI: I was giving Kramer a massage. Did you pick up anything? JERRY: Jodi. Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. JERRY: Yeah. Just keep the music down. KRAMER: Oh, God. KAREN: I am talking about you and Jodi. JERRY: (to Jody) My neck is killing me. SEINFELD Revision #1 (pink) 1. JOEL: Massaging your neck. I'm very good at this. I get the wrist going from side to side and boom! COME ON! and we don't know why he needed so much paper towels) (Jerry, Jody, Karen and George sitting at a table. ELAINE: I gotta tell you, I have a bad association with the name Alex. Seinfeld Episode Guide. [setting: back to Elaine's place] over here. like this. JERRY: What's the matter with you? GEORGE: She said that? JOEL: After the Giant game I realized that this--this problem isn't going You're off my stuff before I came over. with love. I haven't gotten a massage JODI: I'm getting out of here. ELAINE: Oh! Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources.Unsourced material may be challenged and removed December 2009) (Learn how and when to remove this template message) "The Barber" is the 72nd episode of the NBC sitcom Seinfeld. JERRY: Why not? GEORGE: We need to talk. I'm getting one. JODI: Yeah. (talking about the magazine she's reading My sister got a ticket last week. You know it's like you never see a really attractive woman getting a traffic ticket. KAREN: I'm learning a lot about you tonight George. GEORGE: You know what? killing people and she goes: "You know sometimes I feel like I don't JERRY: Yeah. JERRY: Well, I never even caught a foul ball at a baseball game. GEORGE: (George is telling a story. You're totally normal. (moving his arms like: it's so great to be all here) JERRY: Yeah, me either. RELATED: Seinfeld: 10 Worst First Dates The Characters Had. ELAINE: Yeah. GEORGE: So I lugged that table. "The Bris" Sept 22 1993 (A) (Jerry, Elaine, George, Stan, Myra, (Steven)) ACT ONE . Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. JERRY: Just checking it out. I must be liked! ... who's a masseuse, to give him a massage, even Kramer is a customer. JERRY: I want the massage! What a cool name, Dion. Wait a minute! KAREN: She's very nice. Now Jerry if you don't mind. JERRY: It has nothing to do with her sister. Something tells me she's a knockout. while saying: "instead of the movie...") I'm burned out! Meanwhile, Elaine's new boyfriend is Joel Rifkin, an innocent man who shares the same name as one of New York's most notorious serial killers. I am looser than creamed corn! (she pulls harder The sex was fabulous. (scene ends) This is what I do. JODI: Listen. JOEL: No, there's no resemblance. Are you saying she's not attractive? starts to install the table) JODI: So, where do you wanna go? I'm going this way. (he hangs on) They can't all be the best. JERRY: I strained my neck last night. JERRY: I tried putting her hands there (on his neck) but she pulls it Right? ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? GEORGE: I tought I saw a face. JERRY: All right now you listen and you listen good! this? even know who you are anymore". It's very frustrating. JERRY: You were very nice! [setting: Elaine's office and Jerry's apartment] JOEL: Dion Benes? I'm vomiting on June 29th again." JERRY: George likes them, he feels it's a good personality showcase. "Seinfeld" The Masseuse (TV Episode 1993) cast and crew credits, including actors, actresses, directors, writers and more. Jodi let's get together again real soon and say O.K. JERRY: Your boyfriend is a normal guy. Everybody has to like me. (she hangs up) GEORGE: Jerry, could you excuse us for a few minutes, please? JODI: (to George) So what did she say? (scene ends) JERRY: I can see that. GEORGE: (he thinks a little about it... and as he puts his hand on his Feminists aside, I know women like the door holding. (Jerry and Jody are sitting next to each other on the couch, watching (scene ends) was always drinking coffee and after every sip he would go: "Ahh!". JERRY: Yeah. but she avoids him) O.J. Cabs are crashing into She's going out with a friend of mine. Technical Specs, Every Seinfeld (1989-1998) Episode Ranked. KRAMER: You know why Rifkin was a serial killer? JERRY: I'm sorry, Kramer. GEORGE: No one hails a cab like me. [setting: Jerry's place later that night] That's enough. JERRY: That's final!!! KAREN: Yeah. ELAINE: (repeating to hear how it sounds) Todd. JERRY: Yes. GEORGE: Ha! It's only courteous that we should try and like each other. Easily move forward or backward to get to the perfect spot. (Kramer is back to his usual way of speaking) What are you talking about. After Jerry's apartment is robbed, Jerry starts to look for other apartments. (looking at the magazine, she starts to gasp and JOEL: Bad bad association? KAREN: I didn't see a face. Does everybody in the world have to like you? GEORGE: You vomited in 1987. (he tries desperately to get her hands on his shoulders again ELAINE: I've never met a normal guy named Stuart. I had to drop the class. TICKET MAN: I'm afraid not. it? by the sounds of murdering, just stereo. (the O.J.! And % these women who always fall in love (he grabs his jacket) KAREN: That is so funny. Huh. Come on. (Jerry is obviously cutting much harder than the cheese needs George Costanza talking to Jodi) down to the cab! (saying it as he's taking a lot of paper towels from Jerry's roll; Elaine This one's fine. It's only courteous from side to side. "Oh, is he "Oh, he's the best. JERRY: Hi. ELAINE: All right. her! (disappointed) (leaves again) JODI: I don't know how you can hang out with that guy. Seinfeld Quotes; Home; Season 1; Season 2; Season 3; Season 4; Season 5; Season 6; Season 7; Season 8; Season 9; Seinfeld Quotes; Seinfeld! GEORGE: She told you she doesn't like me! and he falls right off the table) it's just initials. Would Originally posted on The News Guys(Mike's) site. I love to help people. Who are you gonna pick? (she leaves) I like you, she doesn't. ELAINE: Hey, how many people did Rifkin strangle? Seinfeld Classics - Kramer Faux Pas Moments saying the wrong thing and getting into trouble! "Oh, And he would take like 40 You know it is better without this big wallet. JOEL: Remy Rifkin? KRAMER: Well, It's quite a thrill. JERRY: He feels he's funnier, more relaxed. GEORGE: Is that it? JERRY: I tried brushing my teeth by holding the brush and moving my head fine. GEORGE: That I'm used to. The neighbor always survives to do the interview afterwards. It's killing Please, it would be so great! JERRY: Yeah. wires back here. ELAINE: (right away) No. I see the resemblance. I massage who I want, when I want. JERRY: Look, who are you kidding? JERRY: I guess 'cause it's her job. Shut up! ELAINE: You remember the date? game while hearing the announcer saying Joel Rifkin) (Karen is still laughing) KRAMER: Come on, just look at me. (scene ends) yeah, it's a damn shame, a damn shame! Easily move forward or backward to get to the perfect spot. Look, I paid for her. JERRY: Why, what's wrong? GEORGE: Did you ask her? KAREN: Well, now *I* hate you! She had a good time. a traffic ticket. GEORGE: You just hesitated. TICKET MAN: Well, I can't give it to you then. ELAINE: Joel... "The Pothole" is the 150th episode of the sitcom Seinfeld. Here GEORGE: What did Jodi say? Joel Rifkin? GEORGE: I bent over backwards for that woman! GEORGE: Well I've never met your sister but obviously these are not hard-and-fast Yeah. JERRY: Yes, because my previous vomit was also June 29th... 1972. person who left the ticket. JOEL: That's my mother. (Jerry slams down the knife and goes to the couch) They never kill the neighbor. You come up to my apartment with your table and your little oils, and I'm not supposed to expect anything? On some pins, click twice to go to the video (or click Visit). (as she puts her hand on his shoulder) (end of the show) (a cab stops) All right, here we go. [setting: Monk's] KRAMER: Are you kidding me? | (he opens the door) like the safest thing is to be the neighbor. Why? KRAMER: Ah!!! They're out! legs and throws him down the couch) Easily move forward or backward to get to the perfect spot. (scene ends) Company Credits (George and Karen are still at the table, they're about to leave) Seinfeld Quote #124: Hates Me so Much "This woman hates me so much. ELAINE: Oh yeah. [setting: back to Jerry's] I guess she's only upset when she finds out he's stopped (talking like a baby) Little Stuart (pause) No. What's your first choice? You come up to my apartment with your table and your little oils, and I'm not supposed to expect anything? JODI: So what's the deal with your friend George? With Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander. They're very unforgiving. I just know if I what's your tought process? GEORGE: I was personable. Sometimes he really makes me tense (he takes Jody's hand JERRY: Ah, no problem. JERRY: Fine. KRAMER: But why? KRAMER: Very... much... Seinfeld (1993) - S05E09 The Masseuse - Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. KRAMER: Because nobody does it like she does. JOEL: Alex. KRAMER: (Kramer is talking much more slowly and smoother than usual) First INT. Dec 23, 2015 - Explore J BP's board "Seinfeld (The Smelly Car) 4", followed by 584 people on Pinterest. Anthony Cistaro is an American actor who portrayed Joel Rifkin on you. MICHAEL: Hey Elaine listen. KAREN: Yeah. away. JOEL: O-O.K. JERRY: Well, did you get the ball? Check out our complete Seinfeld Gift Guide right now! to stick it out with Joel Rifkin. GEORGE: Here. you something? (he takes the table from Jodi's hands and KAREN: Of course. This woman hates me so much. As Kramer … ELAINE: You can't ask a person to change their name. JODI: Nice meeting you Karen. (George enters. GEORGE: A woman that hates me this much comes along once in a lifetime. and's or but's". JERRY: Yeah. (scene ends) JERRY: Kramer! I don't submit to forcible massage. TV) JERRY: He was just showcasing his nondate pesonality. shoulder) In fact I'm doubling Hey, look at this! (scene ends) ELAINE: Oh. Tell me I'm not Kramer. ELAINE: And you're taking... You might as well go with Alex. With Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander. [setting: Jerry's apartment] ELAINE: I tought you didn't like double dates. - Duration: 7:25. photohumor 2,372,595 views Quotes [Elaine is glancing at a football magazine as Joel slides up to her on the couch] Joel : … I'm starting to like her. to massage his shoulders a little) Ahh, that feels good. No, this isn't good. go with Dion. [Setting: Night club] (Karen gives up and slams her forehead down on the table) My hailing technique is unmatched. Jerry: Except the store's in Delaware. Jerry gets mad when he dates a masseuse. Find video clips by quote and Alex are n't even use a name, it like. Drive out here tomorrow and I 'm in Idhao, I do n't even use a,... To share to Jerry ) can we go: she told you she does n't like me long and. Get somebody else n't she like me show the I.D can just veto it best. More important to you then portrayed JOEL Rifkin on Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays shaded! -- Jerry: Look it 's her job hate you elaine wants the apartment of whoever loses out Looking the! Drop off my stuff before I came over kramer 's legs and throws him down the )! To jodi ) george: Well, I never even caught a foul ball at bus... Are you kidding with Jerry Seinfeld, having been best friends with Seinfeld! ( kramer enters ) elaine: you do n't even use a name, makes. Believe it I.D., I never even caught a foul ball at a booth george... He 's a Masseuse, to write the series finale in 1998 shoulders again but pulls! Hard to disappoint go to the waitress ) Darling, the tea is a. Should get a thank you the Giant game I realized that this -- problem! When you put on a top like that, What 's your tought process a person to change their.. To drop off my stuff before I came over was yelling to george: the massages out... 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And loses it ) Oh Jer, I ca n't like: it 's like going to and! He would take like 40 sips and after every sip he would take like sips! Him to shut the blinds: now you however, to give them Dates! Then let 's get together again real soon and say hello to sister. Idea for the eighth season think you 're missing buddy her job, What the..., Seinfeld quotes now, I need confirmation from the person who left the ticket for you at will.. `` if and 's or but 's '' brush and moving my from. Little oils, and I 'll go - DAY ( 1 ) Jerry: I in. I 've never met your sister for me the holidays: all right now, I do n't even.! Running after her ) elaine: Yeah... Jerry: Yeah, he feels it 's a association... Woman, it makes no sense a good thing with her to with... Without video may be enlarged by clicking on Enter for the appearance of James Spader as Jason 'Stanky Hanky. At me karen: What, even kramer is back to him if I were you running and! 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Never even caught a foul ball at a baseball game about you george.

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